“And if you lose yourself, I will find you.” 

Last saturday, as I went to mass all by myself, because I think I wouldn’t make it to sunday mass, and attended anticipated mass. It has always been an amazing experience, going to mass all by myself. 

I have been beating myself up lately because I feel spiritually disconnected in the most important time to be connected with God. (Well, for me, that is). Things have been going haywire — in the most literal sense, in my life because I feel like i don’t pray. (i know, too much guilt, for no apparent reason). 

But last Saturday’s celebration of the Holy Eucharist was somehow a gentle hug, a reminder that I am still loved, and that there is a plan for me. 

For several days, or probably weeks, I have been doubting myself– in all aspects. I have been too focused on one thing in my life that I have the tendency of forgetting the rest. It’s like I allowed my work to define who I am, but it’s only a part of who I am. I have been making excuses for everything because I want to rest, I want to have everything under control. I want things done my way. 

And yes, you’ve guessed right. The lesson once again is about surrendering, letting go and acceptance. 

Last Sunday’s gospel reminded me of who I really am — my spiritual contract, and also reminded me to open my eyes, because maybe, I haven’t been seeing clearly. 

And I did open my eyes. 

The world is beautiful. My world is beautiful, and that everything that is happening is just a perfect plan unfolding for me. I am reminded that life isn’t perfect, and I don’t need to force perfection upon it. 

It also reminded me to take a breath. *deep breath*

Surrender and let go. 

How magnificent it is to realize that I am not alone. 

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