Passion

It is breathtaking to hear and listen to someone talk about their dreams– be it who they want to be, what they want to achieve and simply what brings joy and peace to their heart is music to my ears, and maybe “music” to all my senses.

Have you ever observed people talk about what brings them joy? Try looking at their eyes, there’s a certain sense of confidence and trust and if you’re lucky enough to see it, a sparkle or a twinkle in their eyes.
There’s a certain excitement in their voice, and it reflects in the timbre of the story and the rate it goes, as their story progresses. If you would notice their hands, it goes in all directions, as if they cannot contain the positive energy that comes off as they talk about their dreams, the people they love, and what brings them joy.

It is quite addicting, especially when you get to hear AHA moments, and hearing them talk about themselves, their journey of self discovery, and self love.

It is only then that you realize that you have had an encounter with the soul of that person, their full being. It is only then that you see how beautiful people are, and that you are, as well.

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Make good art

I think I need to go back to playing and fooling around with crayons, paint, words and music. I’m no legit artist, but I know I can create, it may be something I will criticize, but I know I can create. 

And at this moment, I have this very inherent feeling and need to create something that can probably save my life as of the moment. A prayer, a painting, a song, an essay. Something that I can use to take all this frustration and make it into something beautiful. 

I need an easel and canvass. A piano. Pen and paper. 

I’m restless. I guess this is what happens when there is no alignment.

Birth Pains

Every new start has its joys and sorrows. In my case, I call it birth pains.

I have been experimenting, or soul searching if you must with my life recently. Apparently, what I thought I wanted, I really didn’t want. Maybe I did but not what I really wanted.

It has been such a big deal for me to face that. I have always lived my life thinking that in the future, I will be a doctor. I will be in the medical field because I was smart and I had the heart to help other people and heal other people. I was so focused in being that giving person, that I forgot to give to someone.. MYSELF.

Since October last year, I have been rediscovering myself. Going on and off about what I want and just allowing myself to be. ME as me. And loving myself for all things — not just the good ones. But the awful-ones-that-I-don’t-usually-want-to-talk-about as well. So it has been such a journey. Figuring out that there are things I’m really good at, and I recognizing those things because I am great. (And not just in school and making awesome notes). For a moment, I thought I was just really good in academics — studying and taking tests. Apparently not. I’m so grateful to be discovering new talents (actually talents that have been there for the longest time but I only recognized now), and learning so many new things! Akalain mo nga naman diba!!!! I really said goodbye to my limiting box of beliefs of what I can do and what I can’t.

So, what’s the pain all about? I think this is the question you, dear reader may ask since I started off this story with “Birth Pains”. Well, because of the continuous changes I have been accepting in my life, besides the good stuff that it has brought me, there are also some things that I wiiiish I could escape.. The ugly parts.

The part where I start doubting myself if I could do such things, if I am capable of venturing into something new that I didn’t study for 4 years. It’s an everyday fight for what I know I can do and the voice in my head saying I can’t do it. It’s an everyday fight for my vision, for what I want for me. It’s an everyday fight for me. I’ve experienced the ups and downs of it, and the downs are not really good. And maybe those are birth pains.

Birth pains because maybe it’s not at all easy doing something new, something big. It’s fun, and I love learning, I can say that. But it’s not that easy.

I’m kinda happy that right now, I’m not really dwelling on the pain and anger that I felt, and recognizing that it is part of life.

Oooh gotta be grateful for feeling again. Or else I’ll be numb. I’ll talk about that soon enough. 🙂

Birth pains — may hurt, but somehow really a beautiful experience.

Artist Heart

I believe I have this heart of a photographer. Well. Maybe a lot of people do. But I believe my special talent is that I can see the beauty of all people. (Not really bragging but I know I can)

I believe that everyone is beautiful, and I’ve been like this since I was a little kid. I remember feeling ugly cos of my weight (but there’s a solution to that now), and I tried looking at “pretty people” wanting to be like them. And then I was asking myself how come I’m not with the “pretty people”. I always somehow classified people around me (no offense meant) that they were loserish and I was such a pity to be with. (Sounds sucky but wait I’ll get to a good part). I do know that even if at the back of my head I was thinking that way, there were so many things I found beautiful with these people. And I’m kinda ashamed that I have that belief before.

And then I realized.. Maybe now that it was me who didn’t believe that I’m a beautiful person. So I attracted who I am, not what I wanted. (Hey that saying’s true).

Beauty is something subjective and I’m happy I can see beauty in everyone. I think that’s why the artist in me is such. ☺

Enjoy the photos!