Today, probably the best feeling I had besides having extremely enough sleep is that I bought myself ice cream and I ate it while walking down a busy street.
And I got reminded today that I have been missing out on the most important thing..
After everything, I’ve realized that I haven’t forgiven myself yet.
And then you realize that no matter how many times you ask why or how, when you love someone, you just do.
It is what it is.
I never expected myself to fall into the harsh reality of what love is. It didn’t take so much (well it actually did) for me to realize that I fell head over heels (and to add to that, stupidly) over someone.
I won’t go much into details, maybe just the lessons I’ve picked up along the way.
When you love deeply, wholly and truly, expect to get hurt as much as well.
Maybe that’s just about it. Someone told me about it before and it took a rollercoaster of emotions for me to understand.
Vulnerability hits you hard, and you’re stripped off all the walls you put up, and you take on this big pill of courage and you ask yourself, “Is it even worth it?” And even if you don’t know the answer, you take that big leap. Into that unknown, not even knowing if the risk would be worth it.
Vulnerability. That word eats us alive. It’s something we tell ourselves that we do not want to experience, but realizing now that it makes us alive. We got so wired up in putting up walls so that we won’t get hurt, but it is only in this way that we truly live.
When you love wholly, deeply, and truly, you get hurt the same way as well.
And I may be slow in recognizing it, but I’m getting there. After all, in life, it is always the test before the lesson.