Last saturday, as I went to mass all by myself, because I think I wouldn’t make it to sunday mass, and attended anticipated mass. It has always been an amazing experience, going to mass all by myself.
I have been beating myself up lately because I feel spiritually disconnected in the most important time to be connected with God. (Well, for me, that is). Things have been going haywire — in the most literal sense, in my life because I feel like i don’t pray. (i know, too much guilt, for no apparent reason).
But last Saturday’s celebration of the Holy Eucharist was somehow a gentle hug, a reminder that I am still loved, and that there is a plan for me.
For several days, or probably weeks, I have been doubting myself– in all aspects. I have been too focused on one thing in my life that I have the tendency of forgetting the rest. It’s like I allowed my work to define who I am, but it’s only a part of who I am. I have been making excuses for everything because I want to rest, I want to have everything under control. I want things done my way.
And yes, you’ve guessed right. The lesson once again is about surrendering, letting go and acceptance.
Last Sunday’s gospel reminded me of who I really am — my spiritual contract, and also reminded me to open my eyes, because maybe, I haven’t been seeing clearly.
And I did open my eyes.
The world is beautiful. My world is beautiful, and that everything that is happening is just a perfect plan unfolding for me. I am reminded that life isn’t perfect, and I don’t need to force perfection upon it.
It also reminded me to take a breath. *deep breath*
Surrender and let go.
How magnificent it is to realize that I am not alone.