For the past few days, or the past week, actually, I have been exposed to so much deaths — well not directly, but to the people close to me. Just a sad reality, but also a solid reality that life isn’t really mine. A realization that everything in this life is borrowed and there is no sense of security ever. That at any given point, there is no assurance that we will be alive tomorrow.
As I was growing up, it was normal for me to see deaths. It was a known fact for me, it was something normal. But even so, it still felt surreal, and very uneasy. I found it confusing, saddening, disappointing and full of regrets. I think our parent’s exposure to us to different wakes, necrological services and funerals probably led to me being a quite numb.
And it resurfaces, every now and then, me being numb during the whole process. It became something normal, not until the people involved were people close to me. It resurfaced, the feelings of not wanting to feel anything, but I feel lucky and blessed that I allowed myself to feel too. Right now, in the wakes that I have attended, I allow myself to cry, and to feel the pain. But I also allow myself to be happy for the one who passed away. There is this look of peace and joy in their faces that one cannot deny that they also decided to go forward in life.
In a mass yesterday, the priest said that in this life, we will never know when it will be our time to go. It got me thinking that I never know when it will be my time and if I always chase after what could happen, rather than accepting that death will and is a part of this life I’m living, I could never be at peace.
So I was thinking during mass yesterday that A LOOOOOT of people would like to know how would people react when they die. (Myself included). I concluded it was because of the feeling of absolute and pure love. The feeling that A LOT of people love you, til the very end. And as selfish as it may seem, I don’t think it’s selfish because I guess it’s pretty normal to want to feel loved, and show love and be loved. It’s one of the intangible things that keep us truly alive.
And then I got thinking of what If I was at my own funeral to give myself a eulogy? What would I be saying/telling everyone?
And thus started my new project. I am asking around anyone who is willing to write their own eulogy, and I’ll be collecting this. I do not know what to do with it yet, I could make a book out of it, considering I have several ideas so, please, I WAS FIRST (whoever’s thinking of this as a means for a book), or I could just keep it and mail it to the family when that person dies.. I don’t know yet. I’m just sure that it’s a way to cope with death earlier and accept that at any point, anyone and everyone will die. (No brutality with this, just actual reality) And everyone will be one step closer to meeting God, which I think is an ultimate goal.
So if you’re interested in this new project, please comment here and let me know! I’d love to see how you’d write about yourself. (In the 3rd person, of course!)