So, apparently, I cannot post per day anymore, because I am not giving time into it. To compensate for my lack of posting per day, I will make my posts far substantial (than it already is).
It’s the Lenten season, and it is only this year that I realize how much love there is during the Lenten season. I never saw it before. I only thought that it was about sacrificing the things that I wanted cos Jesus died on the Cross for me. It never dawned on me that the little sacrifices that I make are acts of love for me to love Jesus more, and to be more like him. It never really dawned on me that it was that way.
So, this Lenten season, I told myself that I will abstain from judging, backstabbing and gossiping. I kept consulting with my dad what would be a good sacrifice and he kept telling me that the sacrifice that I am choosing to make is something that would bring me closer to God. He kept asking me,
“What are your intentions? How will your sacrifice bring you closer to Christ? Will it make you more Christ-like? What value do you see yourself practicing?”
And it dawned on me. I wanted to experience myself this lent as a more compassionate woman, living in integrity. I am a lector in church after all — I felt that to be a person of integrity, I can choose what words to use, since I proclaim the Word of God.
So, I was feeling bad that I wasnt being such a “good person”, so I decided to tell my priest-confessor that I wanted to confess. On the day of confession, when I told him my sins, he was like,
“Bea, you have to remember that God LOVES YOU. He loves the real you, the true you, the one who sins, who is weak.”
And I couldn’t help but cry. I couldn’t fathom why He loves me so much, and I felt that I didn’t deserve the love.
I just couldn’t understand how can He love me so much and I couldn’t even love myself as much. I really couldn’t understand.
But it was in that moment, that I realized, that God’s love is so much bigger than who I am and how I accept myself.
Crazy, beautiful, magnificent love.
And I am blessed, and overwhelmed to be enveloped by this crazy, beautiful, magnificent love.
And I declare myself worthy of His love and of my own love.
If there is probably one thing that the start of this week has done for me, it is me experiencing to love myself wholly, truly and fully. No holding back, just giving myself the love that I deserve.
I am grateful.
I am loved deeply, crazily, beautifully and magnificently.