Its Always Darkest Before The Dawn

This line has been my favorite from the song “Shake it Out” by Florence and The Machines. I was always thinking that maybe, one reason why I resonated so much is that because of the word dawn, since I associate myself with light.

Little did I know, I was going through some darkness of my own. It’s still hard for me to swallow. I was at such a low point that I associated my worth to the amount of money I was making. (Which is at the moment, zilch). So I was just at home, wallowing in my weakness, sleeping and eating and just basking in the negativity (or at least just trying but not doing anything really).

I am actually grateful that there are so many people who love me and tell me how great I am and reminding me, helping me remember who I am. I had to go through extreme fights with my mom, which made me see how I treat her when we talk (awesome realization right there).

I am especially grateful that I talked with Bruce about this. He actually didn’t do anything but just asked me this question: Who Are You? And reminded me of who I am and helping me choose how to live my life.

And I choose to be free and to let go.

I am free!

I am a passionate woman empowering the youth of the world now!
I am God’s Beautiful Creation of Light!

I reached the dawn. And I am basking in the sun.

Dreams and Faith

Dreams, I mean literally, the dreams that happen when you fall asleep.

I had the strangest dream last night. It surprised me — the event in the dream, how eerie it was but also how real it felt for me. I don’t really believe that dreams are signs or what, but I just feel that this one meant something.

I know i have been to the place where I was in the dream. And apparently, I can run and I can be an action star or what. (HAHA PUN INTENDED). I remember being in that place before, knowing every nook and all the short cuts for me to get to where I want to go. I remember leading my friend with me. So what exactly was I doing in the dream? I was LITERALLY defending my faith. There were some people who were really teaching wrong doctrines to people who did not know better, and were really tricking them. And there was also this part that Jesus (in the flesh) was hidden somewhere in the Manila Cathedral. (Dreams are crazy when explained, so please remember that this is a dream and it isn’t supposed to be coherent. HAHA)

So, my friend and i were held captive and found a way to get out. Apparently, I was held hostage there before and I knew the way for us not to be seen. And we ended up to the entrance of the Cathedral and people were closing it, and I remember being held back from entering and i literally had to fight my way through it. I remember seeing this man doing a genuflect with the lectionary to get powers from it. (Swear, I didn’t know why. I feel like this was a chronicle to restore the faith). So they were threatening me and from what i recall, they didn’t know what I knew, so they were telling me that it was okay and they will lock me inside the cathedral. When they turned around, I went straight to the crypts and found a big wooden shield/fence/blockage and i was able to kick and tear it down. And there, I saw, Jesus (like he was just taken down from the cross when if He was taken down alive). I started crying and I wanted to do something — clean His wounds or make the hurting stop. And then I realized that i was also at fault, i had a contribution to the wounds he had.

… And for some weird reason, Dream me was expecting that when i touch Jesus, something would light up and make all the people remember that the people who were teaching them false teachings were wrong and they were being tricked. But apparently, that’s not how it goes. And i was panicking and crying and hoping that something would work for people to remember.

And then, I woke up.

I didn’t tell anyone about my dream until now. I guess it still freaks me out. The place being familiar and all. And what happened, and how helpless i felt.

Maybe it represents something now in my faith life? I am not so sure. If it does, I hope it’s something I can deal with still.

All i know is that 1 thing is clear: I gotta fight also for my faith, like anything else in my life.

Lights will guide you home

Hello World!

Hello World!

I downloaded this software on my phone and its bringing out the artist in me. ♥ I am so happy!!! ☺

I feel so blessed bringing out my inner child who loves photos and colors and vintage stuff. I think that when I just surrendered and fully accepted that what’s happening in my life is what’s supposed to happen and just simply live, my life completely fell into place. ☺ I am so lucky to have that turnaround in my life where I see myself as someone capable, and fully trusting in my capabilities.

It’s a matter really of remembering who I am, and I am God’s beautiful creation of light!

I’m just so happy to remember how great I am and I have so many awesome skills to capitalize on and that I can do ANYTHING.

AMAZING, ISN’T IT?

Dear God, the lights did bring me home. It guided me back to you. Thank you for loving me and accepting me for who I am. And thank you for allowing me to accept me for who I am, warts and all.

Ever felt the falling in love feeling? I think what I’m feeling now is I’m falling in love with me. ♥ Such a beautiful feeling and I’m soooo happy ☺

Spread love joy and trust ♥

Birth Pains

Every new start has its joys and sorrows. In my case, I call it birth pains.

I have been experimenting, or soul searching if you must with my life recently. Apparently, what I thought I wanted, I really didn’t want. Maybe I did but not what I really wanted.

It has been such a big deal for me to face that. I have always lived my life thinking that in the future, I will be a doctor. I will be in the medical field because I was smart and I had the heart to help other people and heal other people. I was so focused in being that giving person, that I forgot to give to someone.. MYSELF.

Since October last year, I have been rediscovering myself. Going on and off about what I want and just allowing myself to be. ME as me. And loving myself for all things — not just the good ones. But the awful-ones-that-I-don’t-usually-want-to-talk-about as well. So it has been such a journey. Figuring out that there are things I’m really good at, and I recognizing those things because I am great. (And not just in school and making awesome notes). For a moment, I thought I was just really good in academics — studying and taking tests. Apparently not. I’m so grateful to be discovering new talents (actually talents that have been there for the longest time but I only recognized now), and learning so many new things! Akalain mo nga naman diba!!!! I really said goodbye to my limiting box of beliefs of what I can do and what I can’t.

So, what’s the pain all about? I think this is the question you, dear reader may ask since I started off this story with “Birth Pains”. Well, because of the continuous changes I have been accepting in my life, besides the good stuff that it has brought me, there are also some things that I wiiiish I could escape.. The ugly parts.

The part where I start doubting myself if I could do such things, if I am capable of venturing into something new that I didn’t study for 4 years. It’s an everyday fight for what I know I can do and the voice in my head saying I can’t do it. It’s an everyday fight for my vision, for what I want for me. It’s an everyday fight for me. I’ve experienced the ups and downs of it, and the downs are not really good. And maybe those are birth pains.

Birth pains because maybe it’s not at all easy doing something new, something big. It’s fun, and I love learning, I can say that. But it’s not that easy.

I’m kinda happy that right now, I’m not really dwelling on the pain and anger that I felt, and recognizing that it is part of life.

Oooh gotta be grateful for feeling again. Or else I’ll be numb. I’ll talk about that soon enough. 🙂

Birth pains — may hurt, but somehow really a beautiful experience.

Artist Heart

I believe I have this heart of a photographer. Well. Maybe a lot of people do. But I believe my special talent is that I can see the beauty of all people. (Not really bragging but I know I can)

I believe that everyone is beautiful, and I’ve been like this since I was a little kid. I remember feeling ugly cos of my weight (but there’s a solution to that now), and I tried looking at “pretty people” wanting to be like them. And then I was asking myself how come I’m not with the “pretty people”. I always somehow classified people around me (no offense meant) that they were loserish and I was such a pity to be with. (Sounds sucky but wait I’ll get to a good part). I do know that even if at the back of my head I was thinking that way, there were so many things I found beautiful with these people. And I’m kinda ashamed that I have that belief before.

And then I realized.. Maybe now that it was me who didn’t believe that I’m a beautiful person. So I attracted who I am, not what I wanted. (Hey that saying’s true).

Beauty is something subjective and I’m happy I can see beauty in everyone. I think that’s why the artist in me is such. ☺

Enjoy the photos!